William Borden
APPLES

Productions

Off-Hollywood Theatre Company, Los Angeles, CA

Performers at Work, New York, NY

Theatre of the Invisible Guests, Fargo, ND

Staged readings

Carrie Productions, The Actors' Gang Theatre, Los Angeles, CA

White Bird Productions, New York, NY

Selected for Playwrights Showcase of the Western Region, Arvada, CO

Finalist, Mill Mountain Theatre Competition, Roanoke, VA

APPLES

A deconstructed Garden of Eden where Adam finds an Uzi, Lilith tempts lust, and Satan and Eve reach an understanding. 2m, 2f. 30 min.


From the beginning...

(An apple tree laden with bright red apples. ADAM stares at the apples. EVE sits pouting.)

EVE
I'm angry.

ADAM
How can you be angry? We just got here. We have no knowledge of good or evil.

EVE
What's good or evil got to do with it?

ADAM
Well, of course, having no knowledge of good and evil, it's hard to say, but I'd think that a person would be angry at evil and happy at good. Wouldn't you?

EVE
Angry has nothing to do with good and evil. Whatever they are.

ADAM
Well then, what are you angry at?

EVE
You.

ADAM
Me?

EVE
I'm nothing.

ADAM
You're my wife.

EVE
I'm your rib.

ADAM
What's wrong with that?

EVE
I want to be my own person. You're man. I'm wo-man. I'm Woe-to-man.

ADAM
You're making a big deal out of nothing.

EVE
I'm going to give myself my own name.
(She thinks, silently mouthing one word after another.)
Yum.

ADAM
Yum?

EVE
Yum.

ADAM
Y-u-m?
(She nods.)
One "m"?

EVE
Two.

ADAM
Y-u-m-m?
(She nods.)
Why two "m"s?

EVE
Kind of a humming word. Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
 
ADAM
It seems excessive. As if you're calling attention to yourself.

EVE
Why shouldn't I call attention to myself?

ADAM
Well, I was made first.

EVE
And you are "wo-yum." One "m".

ADAM
I beg your pardon?

EVE
Woyum.

ADAM
Don't be silly. God said—

EVE
We get to name the animals. Why can't we name ourselves?

ADAM
You're too emotional.

EVE
You think I'm nothing but a left-over rib!

ADAM
If you were my rib, you'd do what I tell you!

EVE
You're a woyum!

Selected Works

FULL-LENGTH PLAYS
DON'T DANCE ME OUTSIDE
Butch, a novelist, and Ardis, an architect, begin an affair. They reveal their pasts, fantasize their future, call their spouses, fight, risk, and love.
MANY WORLDS
Maggie has to tell Axel that she has terminal cancer, as Axel explains the "Many Worlds" theory of quantum physics, and from time to time "other worlds" open up, some involving Maggie's husband.
TAP DANCING ACROSS THE UNIVERSE
A college professor who wants to run away from home gets his chance when he and his wife are visited by a would-be shaman, a runaway mother, and a hippy.
MEET AGAIN
A romantic comedy that takes a playful, sexy look at reincarnation. "Insightful and delightfully wacky," Jason Fogelson, New York Shakespeare Festival.
GOURMET LOVE
How long can Sally and Arnie keep their affair from their spouses, who are having an affair of their own?
BLUEST REASON
Lewis and Clark air their conflicts and hire a pregnant guide.
TEN-MINUTE PLAYS
GUNNING FOR LIFE
An old man's lust for life confronts his terminal cancer in an unusual comedy with a poignant ending.
DUET FOR VIRTUAL PARTICLES
A man wonders if he's an alien. A woman wonders if she's too tall.
DIRTY LAUNDRY
A woman wearing only a raincoat gives a would-be writer something to write about.
QUARKS
A man and a woman meet at a singles bar. His "Take off your panties," gets unexpected results.
SOMETHING LIGHTER
A couple finalize their divorce. Or do they?
THE BLUES STREET JAZZ CLUB REHEARSES
The loves of five would-be musicians intertwine like strands of music, improvised and unpredictable.
LUNCH
Should Bob and Bella tell their spouses they know their spouses are having an affair?
RECOGNITION
Two high school sweethearts, with their spouses, meet for lunch after 25 years.
HANGMAN
A condemned man must build his own gallows. He helps his executioner write a poem.
ONE EVENING IN PRAGUE
Albert Einstein, an up-and-coming physicist, meets Franz Kafka, a little-known author, .
FALLING
The thoughts of a Jew and a Muslim who fell from the World Trade Center the morning of September 11, 2001.
MUSE
Cal, plagued by writer's block, calls for a muse. He gets Ron.
THAT GUY FROM THE BERGMAN FILM
It may be Cassy's last day, but she hasn't lost her sense of humor as her family gathers around.
THE ALIEN HYPOTHESIS
If Larry is an alien, as he suspects, why haven't the aliens told him?
JUMPING
A man and a woman rejected by love fall in love before one jumps into the ice-covered Mississippi and the other jumps into the praxis of politics.
LEDGE
Mary could jump and end it all if Tom, who also wants to jump, would get out of her way.
ONE-ACT PLAYS
GARAGE SALE
Warren's starting over. He's selling everything.
PATRIOTS
Two men talking--terrorists or undercover agents?
I WANT TO BE AN INDIAN
A white liberal who wants to be an Indian gets his chance.
APPLES
A deconstructed Garden of Eden where Adam finds Lilith, and Eve and Satan reach an understanding.
COCKTAILS, DINNER
Should Sally and Arnie tell their spouses about their affair? Or will it spoil dinner?
IT'S SO WOWOO
Larry wonders if he's an alien. If he is an alien, why haven't the other aliens told him?
HERE TODAY, GONE TOMORROW
A teenager wonders if a homeless man is really Jesus.
AFFAIRS OF RECKLESS HONOR
Six women re-enact the duels of an earlier age

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